Why We Forgive

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"Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."

Isaiah 1:18 



How do you define forgiveness?


Forgiveness is what exists in the gap between the standard God holds us to and the reality of our sin. “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy” (Micah 7:18-20).


Then, in our human experience, forgiveness is the gap between the pure motives and actions that we desire of others, and the reality of how they fail to meet them. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). We have an axiom in Chi Alpha that says it this way: what God does in you, He wants to do through you. Forgiveness is a blessing we receive from God so that we can pass it on to others. God’s forgiveness in our lives is meant to expand our capacity for forgiveness to those who have wronged us.


But what is forgiveness?


Forgiveness is acknowledging that the other person hurt you, and yet offering them your mercy. You are turning over the debt slip they owe you into the hands of God. Forgiveness is saying, “you have hurt me, but the debt you owe me is gone - I will pay the cost as Christ paid the cost for me, and I will acknowledge that justice is His alone.”


Our Enormous Debt


Read the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21-35


The first servant owed 10,000 talents. Did you know that one talent was the equivalent of 15 years wages? That means the servant would have to work non-stop for 150,000 years to pay that back! Your salvation through Jesus on the cross was not just a gift; it was payment of your impossible debt. This parable compares our offenses against God to debt in order to help us understand our actions as currency in the kingdom of heaven. Remember, the King not only has the power to call us to pay our debt of disobedience, but also the right and duty to do so. He is the King, and I'm sure many of us, myself included, are guilty of treason, theft, slander of the King and his policies, insurrection, aligning with the enemy, and even claiming to be King. Sin always has a cost.


Our Debt is Forgiven


This servant owed his King 150,000 years' worth of wages, and yet the King showed mercy. Look at the wording - the servant asked for patience, right? But the King went above and beyond by canceling the debt instead of giving more time to pay it. The King knew the servant couldn't pay, and so he absorbed the debt himself. Another one of our Chi Alpha axioms is: when forgiveness is extended, someone must absorb the wound. This means someone lets the demand for payment end with them, carrying the cost themselves. And in this case, we see that the King is willing to bear even the most exorbitant debt, the deepest grievances. That's our King! 


“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).


Every morning, God’s mercies are new. This means every morning, we can be that servant looking at the King saying: “I know I’ve sinned. And your law explicitly says that the wages of sin is death. But will you have patience?” and He says, “not only patience, but I will cancel your debt. I will pay it myself. I will absorb the cost.” And He did, on the cross.


So, not surprisingly, when the King hears of the servant He had just pardoned abusing other servants for their debt, He is incredulous! He says, “shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In the Kingdom of God, mercy begets mercy.


Consider this: when we hold a grudge against our offender, we are essentially putting them in a prison where they are unable to repay the debt we feel they owe, just like the unmerciful servant did to his debtor. We have already sentenced them to the jail of judgment in your mind. When we talk badly about those who have hurt us to others, we are grabbing them by the throat and leaving bruises on their reputation. We are cutting off their ability to respond and instead replacing it with our own pronounced condemnation. Yet the Lord says, “Love keeps no record of wrongs”, and offers us a clean slate. What wrongs are you keeping a hidden record of while rejoicing that your slate is clean?


Forgiveness Inspires a Reaction


Now to be clear, Jesus is not implying causality in this parable. He is not trying to scare us into forgiving others for the sake of securing our own forgiveness. Jesus tells us that we must forgive “from the heart” (Matthew 18:35). Instead, Jesus is emphasizing a significant point: if you have received mercy, you will want to offer mercy. If you have been forgiven, you will want to learn to forgive.


The unmerciful servant did not personally receive the Lord’s forgiveness. Look back at what he says when he first encounters the king, he says, “Be patient with me, and I will pay back everything.” We know that the King has canceled the debt, but the servant never seemed to understand. He is frantically scraping together pennies to repay an impossible sum, trying to justify himself. Doesn’t that sound hopeless? It is no wonder he is resentful and hostile to someone who is just like him - a sinner in need of mercy.


Are you living in the forgiveness that God has offered you, or are you still living as someone with a large debt to pay? Perhaps the person you need to forgive right now isn't your neighbor; maybe it's yourself. Jesus has already offered forgiveness. Have you accepted it, or are you still punishing yourself? Are you still carrying the burden of your sin, trying to earn your way back into the graces of the King? Are you still justifying yourself based on the shortcomings and debts of others?

Are you withholding forgiveness over a small offense, when you have been forgiven so much? Who are you struggling to forgive? Are you (whether physically or metaphorically) standing like a king above someone else and demanding they ask for your patience, and respect your power over them, instead of showing them mercy and pointing them to the King who pays all debts?


The Question You Have Been Wanting to Ask


Does this mean that forgiving is abandoning justice? Honestly, some of us won’t see vengeance on this side of heaven.Our worldly justice system is just a shadow of the heart of God. He looks at what someone did to His beloved child and He desires justice for it more than we can imagine! We all will appear before the King and will be called to pay our own account. On that day that person will have to face the punishment they justly deserve before the King who has the power and right to exact it, or they will be forgiven because of their faith in Jesus, just as you have been forgiven. Either way, justice will come. 

Whether it comes at the final judgment, or on the Cross, God’s justice is secure. This is why we can have true peace when we allow these debt slips to pass from our hands and into the hand of our just and merciful King. When you forgive as a Christian, you can rest knowing that justice ultimately will be served, no matter what.


Relevant Scriptures

1 John 1:9.                    "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us...”

Matthew 18:35          ... unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Matthew 6:14-15        "...if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”

Daniel 9:9                   "The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled...”

 

Questions for Discussion

● What do you think is the difference between acknowledging you’ve been hurt (as in the definition of forgiveness) and excusing it?

● What do you think it means to “absorb the wound”?

● What is the most difficult aspect of forgiveness for you? How does this parable address that difficulty?

● Why does forgiving not mean that you have to give up on justice?


Recommended Resource


If you feel like you need to forgive someone today, if you want the freedom of giving over the debt slip you’ve clenched in your hands and heart over to God, the resource Forgiveness on our website walks us through how to forgive. May the Lord give you peace and freedom from your hurts! 

By Chi Alpha June 13, 2025
Download Time Management Why Time Management Matters One of the greatest hindrances to our walks with God is poor time management. Many of us genuinely want to spend scheduled alone time with Jesus each day, but we don’t. We plan to read Scripture, pray, and listen for what God is speaking, but somehow the day gets away from us. Does this sound familiar? You intended to start your day with Jesus... but you stayed up late hanging out with friends, scrolling TikTok or Instagram, or maybe studying into the early morning. You sleep through your alarm, roll out of bed at the last possible second, and rush to class. When you make it back home, you're either exhausted and need a nap or jumping straight into homework. Your mind is racing with everything on your to-do list, and stopping to be still with God feels almost impossible. It’s not that you don’t care and don’t want to spend time with Jesus. The problem is that your schedule (or lack thereof) has taken control of your life. But imagine this: you start each day unhurried, grounded in God’s Word. You show up to class present and peaceful. You don’t feel behind all the time. You’re able to attend Core Group and MNL without guilt. You take a Sabbath on the weekend and truly feel rested. That’s what we want for you. This resource will give you a few simple tools and frameworks that you can use to help you build that kind of life! Quadrants of Time Management Before we get practical with some tools for time management, it helps to understand why our time often feels out of control. One simple framework, the Quadrants of Time Management, divides everything we do into four categories: urgent and important, not urgent but important, urgent but not important, and neither urgent nor important. Most of us live in the extremes—either in crisis mode, constantly reacting to what’s due next (urgent and important), or in escape mode, numbing out with social media or distractions (not urgent, not important). But the goal is to build our lives around the important but not urgent—things like spending time with Jesus, planning ahead, resting well, and growing intentionally. Below are descriptions of each of the four quadrants. As you read over them, take a moment to reflect and consider which quadrants you spend the most time in. Quadrant 1 : Tasks that demand immediate attention and truly matter, like crises that may come up or a project that is due tomorrow. Many important activities become urgent as a result of procrastination or poor planning. This quadrant creates a ton of stress, saps your energy, and leads to burnout. Quadrant 2 : This is where you build a healthy, purposeful life. It includes working on assignments ahead of time, resting well, spending time with Jesus, and investing in relationships. This quadrant increases your peace, productivity, and long-term fruitfulness, but it’s often the most neglected. Quadrant 3 : Things that feel urgent but don’t really matter. These distractions, like responding to group texts or unimportant requests, steal your focus. Learning to say “no” here allows you to prioritize what matters more. Quadrant 4 : Mindless time-wasters like endless scrolling, binge-watching, or lying in bed “rotting.” These activities offer short-term relief, especially when you’re overwhelmed, but too much time here leads to feeling disconnected, discouraged, and stuck. The goal for our time management is to live in Quadrant 2! Living here will: Make your life much less stressful Enable you to thrive as a student, friend, leader, etc. Help your walk with God be more consistent. You’ll no longer be trying to squeeze God in, but able to intentionally walk with Him daily, allowing Him to shape your entire life! But if your time management is a mess, you will struggle to live that kind of life, no matter how much you would like to . So how do we start living more consistently in Quadrant 2? Here are some tools! Anchor Times If you want to live an anchored life—with real devotion to Jesus, real community with others (where you’re committed to Core Group and MNL), and real Kingdom responsibility—it won’t happen by accident. You need anchor times: the fixed, pre-decided parts of your day that keep your schedule aligned with your priorities and keep you anchored in your rhythms. Setting anchor times is what we call a pre-choice, a decision you make before the moment comes . Instead of waiting to see how you feel or what comes up, you’ve already decided what matters most. Pre-choices reflect your values ahead of time, so you’re not constantly scrambling, reacting, or letting the urgent crowd out the important. Here are two of the most powerful (and neglected) anchors of your day: 1. Wake up time I know, this one’s tough, but your morning is one of the most important times in your entire day. It sets your mindset, your pace, and your spiritual posture. To determine your wake up time, start by asking yourself: When is my first class or meeting of the day? What time do I need to be there? How much time do I need to saturate in God’s Word, presence, and love before I start my day? How long does it take to eat, shower, and commute before my first class/meeting? Now, take those answers and build your morning backward. Start with the time you need to be out the door (or in class), and subtract the time it takes for each of those things: time with God, getting ready, eating, commuting, etc. The result? That’s your wake-up time! Pro tip: make sure it’s realistic. You might need to speed up your shower or simplify your breakfast to preserve unhurried time with Jesus without forcing yourself to wake up at an impossible hour. 2. Bedtime The other most powerful anchor time is your bedtime. Sometimes people act like running on no sleep is impressive, but it’s actually unsustainable. You might be able to run on empty for a day, but not for a week. Without sleep, your health, focus, relationships, and ability to hear from God all suffer. It has been said, “A great devotional time with the Lord starts the night before.” If you want your mornings with Jesus to be consistent and unhurried, it begins with the choices you make the night before. Ask yourself: How much sleep do I need to feel well-rested? Based on when I need to wake up and how many hours of sleep I need, when should I go to bed? Time Blocking Setting anchor times creates a strong foundation, and our next tool, time blocking, fills in the rest of your schedule with intention and structure. Imagine this scenario: you get home from class in the afternoon and you’re tired. You don’t feel like studying and you don’t have anything planned until dinner, so you spend the next three hours of “free time” taking a nap, going down the YouTube rabbit hole, or doom-scrolling on Instagram or TikTok. All the while, your assignments are piling up, and your anxiety is too! Now imagine this: at the start of each week, you take some time to list out your upcoming homework, tests, papers, and problem sets. Then, you schedule specific times on your calendar to work on each one. When that time comes, you simply do the task—no last-minute scrambling, no wondering when you’ll get it done. Time blocking is a method of planning your day by assigning each hour to a specific task, activity, or category of work. You’re giving every hour a name before it arrives . It’s a practical way to make pre-choices. To do it, you’ll need a calendar with hourly time slots. We strongly recommend using a digital calendar , like Google Calendar, to keep your week organized. A digital calendar makes it easy to drag and adjust time blocks as things change, it’s always accessible, and you can set reminders so nothing slips through the cracks. Once your digital calendar is ready, start by blocking out your anchor times, your fixed commitments that don’t change — your wake-up time, bedtime, and devotional time, as well as things like classes, labs, work shifts, MNL, and Core Group. Next, look at what academic work is coming up: exams, papers, readings, problem sets, etc. Instead of just hoping you’ll get to it, assign each task a specific block in your week. For example, if you have a test covering four chapters, you might schedule time to review one chapter a day, then assign time the day before to review them all. If a problem set usually takes six hours, break it into two-hour chunks across three days. If there are weekly office hours for a class you’re struggling with, put those on your calendar and make sure you go and ask your professor for help. Be sure to leave some margin in your schedule—time to get from place to place, take a short break, or adjust if something runs long . Time blocking removes the stress of last-minute work and gives you confidence that everything has its place. Green, Yellow, and Red Hours When you time block your week, it’s smart to take your energy levels into account, not just your availability . That’s where this next concept comes in. We all have green, yellow, and red hours. Green hours are when you’re mentally sharp and productive. You’ll want to use your green hours for your hardest tasks, like writing papers, studying for exams, or working on problem sets. Yellow hours are when you still have some fuel in the tank, but you aren’t at your best. They are good for lighter work, like reading assignments, organizing your notes, or creating flashcards. Red hours are your lowest-energy times, when it’s hard to focus and think clearly. Save those times for going to the gym, hanging with friends, or resting. Putting It All Together When you make pre-choices, set anchor times, and time block your week around your energy and priorities, you are going to notice a big difference! These tips won’t fix all your problems, but you’ll likely feel less stressed and more present in your classes, relationships, and with the Lord. We want you to be able to live your life in Quadrant 2! At first, planning like this may feel rigid and limiting. It is true that you may have to say “no” to some things, but planning ahead can give you more freedom. When you’re disciplined during the day, you can say a confident “yes” to rest, spontaneity, and time with your community in the evenings. By choosing to manage your time well, you’re choosing to live fully — present with God, stewarding your studies well, engaged in your community, and investing in your spiritual formation. Questions for Discussion What’s one part of your current schedule that feels out of control or misaligned with your priorities? Which quadrant do you spend most of your time in, and how can you live more in Quadrant 2? Will you take 30 minutes to time block your calendar this week? When? What do you want to make sure gets scheduled first? Who in your life could help you stay accountable to the rhythms you want to build (wake up time, bedtime, devotional time, etc.?
By Chi Alpha October 16, 2024
Download Friendship “Friendship is the ultimate end of our existence and our highest source of happiness. Friendship—with one another and with God—is the supreme pleasure of life, both now and forever…” –Drew Hunter, Author and Pastor For centuries, the Church fathers, ancient philosophers, and theologians have all agreed that friendship is a necessary component of living life to the full. Intentional friendship is defined as friendship mutually governed by Godly (agape) love and is a reflection of his devotion and character. The Bible is filled with great examples of extraordinary friendships involving personal sacrifice, deep intimacy, and incredible joy. Unfortunately, though, our culture is quickly losing the value of friendship. It has become a button on a social media page or a means to climb the social ladder. We all crave deep connections but have lost the art of finding and cultivating true and lasting friendships. Below is a guide meant to help remedy this problem; it also has several questions throughout for you to reflect on as you read. We often think that friendship just happens, but as Drew Hunter demonstrates, in order to recapture the art of friendship, it will take wisdom, work, and a bit of weeding. By doing so, we can restore the profound joy and deep connections that authentic friendships bring to our lives. Wisdom 1. Give Your Friends a Promotion The first bit of wisdom begins by dispelling a common myth about friendship: you are too busy. When friendships falter, it's often due to unbalanced priorities. While homework, your internship, and rest are essential, overemphasizing them can crowd out time for intentional friendships. We always find time for what we truly value, so it's worth examining how we spend our leisure time and considering if we can allocate some of it to nurturing friendships. Prioritizing friends may require sacrificing other enjoyable activities. If someone looked at how you spent your time this past week (where you were, what you did, who you spent time with), what five things would they conclude are most important to you? How highly do your friendships rank? 2. Take a Dose of Realism A second myth about friendship is that we can have a lot of close friends. Since deep friendships require significant time, it's unrealistic to maintain close bonds with everyone. Trying to do so can result in having no close friends at all. Most people we call friends are actually acquaintances. It's important to value these acquaintanceships without feeling guilty about having only a few deep relationships. Meaningful friendships will naturally form with only a small percentage of the people we know. Jesus exemplifies this. He had an especially intimate bond with John, often referred to as the disciple whom Jesus loved. Jesus also prioritized his relationship with Peter, James, and John, revealing a bit of his divine nature to them at the Transfiguration. Beyond these, Jesus had the twelve disciples with whom he spent considerable time; living alongside and teaching them. This tiered approach to relationships shows that even Jesus, God incarnate, prioritized deeper connections with a few while still maintaining meaningful, albeit less intimate, relationships with many. Why is it unrealistic to try to maintain close bonds with many people, and how can this effort actually hinder the development of meaningful friendships? Reflect on the example of Jesus' relationships and think about how you can discern and prioritize your own deeper connections. 3. Realign your Expectations Friendship requires flexibility in how we perceive and manage relationships. Not everyone has the same expectations for a friendship; when these expectations conflict, they can lead to incredible pain and strife. Let's use an analogy. Picture yourself driving down a multi-lane highway, and each lane represents different levels of relationship. We may see someone as a close friend (in our passenger seat), but they might not feel the same way and think of us in their left lane instead. Adjusting our expectations to match theirs is crucial to maintaining the friendship without forcing them to conform to our views. Conversely, if someone sees us as a close friend, even if we initially don't feel the same, we can choose to embrace and honor their perspective. Friendships evolve over time, with people moving between lanes or exiting the highway altogether. This fluidity doesn't negate the commitment inherent in friendships but reflects their dynamic nature, allowing for changes and growth. These changes can be difficult, but recognizing that they are normal can lead to healthy expectations and more joy-filled relationships. Reflect on a time when you and a friend had different expectations for your relationship. How did this difference impact your friendship, and what steps did you take (or could you have taken) to adjust your expectations and maintain the relationship? Work 1. Talk Face-to-Face Friendships thrive through meaningful conversations, especially face-to-face. Unhurried, in-person dialogues are invaluable; as John Calvin noted, “If only he lived close by, a three-hour talk would exceed a hundred letters.” While text messages sustain friendships, phone calls bring us closer by conveying more of our personality, and nothing beats the completeness of face-to-face interactions. In his letters, the apostle John writes, “Though I have much to write to you…I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to come to you and talk face-to-face so that our joy may be complete” (2 John 12; 3 John 13-14). Conversations should be open and honest, with trusted friends having access to our deeper, more personal truths. Effective communication involves both asking thoughtful questions and actively listening. Friendships suffer if one person dominates the conversation or if there is a lack of engagement. The best friendships balance serious discussions with light-hearted moments, ensuring a mix of levity and gravity. Think about a recent face-to-face conversation you had with a friend. How did this interaction compare to your typical text or phone conversations in terms of depth and connection? What did you notice about the value of in-person dialogue? What practical ways can you pursue more face-to-face time with friends? 2. Do Things Side-by-Side Friendships flourish through shared experiences and spending time together. To build such experiences, invite friends into your existing activities, like watching shows, walking, or shopping. Creating regular rhythms, such as biweekly coffee or weekly dinners, helps maintain these connections. When regularity is challenging, spontaneity and sacrifice can sustain friendships. Ultimately, the essence of friendship lies in being together, regardless of the activity. Think about a recent shared experience you had with a friend. How did participating in an activity together impact your relationship? What did you learn about your friend or yourself during this time? Consider the idea of creating regular rhythms, such as biweekly coffee or weekly dinners. What regular activities could you establish with your friends to maintain consistent connections? How would these routines fit into your current schedule? 3. Encourage From the Heart Encouragement is vital for sustaining friendships, akin to oxygen for the soul. Like thin air at high altitudes, relationships suffer without affirmation and encouragement while thriving in an atmosphere thick with support. The apostle Paul exemplifies this practice, often affirming individuals in his letters. Although initially uncomfortable, affirming others becomes more natural over time and can transform relational cultures. Written notes are particularly powerful tools for encouragement, providing ongoing support and affirmation, and you can return to and reread them at any time. Think about a time when you received encouragement from a friend. How did it impact your relationship and your personal well-being? What specific aspects of their encouragement were most meaningful to you? Reflect on your own habits of affirming and encouraging others. How comfortable are you with giving genuine affirmation? What steps can you take to make this practice a more natural and regular part of your interactions? Weeding Once we've applied wisdom and put in the necessary work, we must address detrimental elements in our friendships. Like weeding a garden, we must also uproot negative influences to maintain the health of our relationships. 1. Burden Be mindful of inconsiderate behavior in friendships. Proverbs warns against actions that can burden rather than uplift. “ Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning will be counted as cursing (27:14). Such gestures, while well-intentioned, may have bad timing and be perceived as inconsiderate. Also, avoid causing friendship fatigue by not overwhelming friends with excessive time together. “Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house lest he have his fill of you and hate you (25:17).” While spending significant time with friends is important, smothering them can lead to resentment. 2. Gossip Gossip is a poison within friendships, capable of easily dismantling the trust painstakingly built over time and ruining relationships. Proverbs cautions that even the faintest whisper can drive a wedge between the closest of friends (16:28). Such talk corrodes the very essence of friendship by sowing seeds of doubt and apprehension, making people wary of sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings. Indeed, the cornerstone of authentic friendship lies in the sacred trust shared between friends—a bond forged through years of shared experiences, vulnerabilities, and confidences. To breach this trust through gossip is to cause incredible harm and fracture connections that are difficult to mend. 3. Self-focus Every behavior that chokes out true friendships stems from a focus on oneself rather than on fostering healthy relationships. A self-centered attitude leads to a tendency to dwell on how others have wronged us rather than reflecting on our own shortcomings. True friendship requires a posture of repentance, where we acknowledge and address our own faults. By extending grace to our friends and accepting imperfection, we create an environment where authentic friendships can flourish. Which of the three relational weeds do you see most prevalent in your life (burden, gossip, or self-focus)? What are some ways you can uproot it? Relevant Scriptures : Deuteronomy 13:6 1 Samuel 18:1-4 Proverbs 16:28; 25:17; 27:14 John 15:15 2 John 12 3 John 13-14 Recommended Reading: Made For Friendship by Drew Hunter Made for People by Justin Whitmel Earley No Greater Love by Rebecca McLaughlin
By Chi Alpha September 3, 2024
Download Technology “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” -Colossians 3:1-2 As a college student, technology and the internet play a large role in your day-to-day life. You use them to check your grades, submit assignments, apply for internships, schedule meetings, and more. Not much changes after graduation; everyone from consultants to professors to CEOs to software engineers to truck drivers rely on technology for their work. And of course, new social media platforms are popping up every day, fighting for and demanding your attention. It’s unavoidable. As technology becomes more prevalent in our daily lives, it can be easy to dedicate more time and attention to our devices, time that is better spent elsewhere. As we spend more time plugged in, our devices form and shape us in ways we may not recognize for a long time. Thankfully, this is not a resource on how to simply avoid technology in your life because that would be futile. Rather, we need to reframe how we use our devices and learn how to take back control from those who manufacture them. How can we recognize the ways technology has formed us and make intentional choices to ensure our formation is centered around Jesus? As Felicia Wu Song, author of Restless Devices, puts it, “lifting our eyes off our screens and living more deeply into the time and place in which we are embedded.” Our Modern World Think about how many times a day you pick up your cell phone. Most smartphones calculate it for you, and you can see exactly how much time you spend on any given app, how many texts you send per day, etc. Those numbers can be harrowing; we don’t realize how much time and attention we are giving to our devices. Why did we become so engrossed with our phones? How have we become perpetually plugged in? Song writes, “Just as the digital is always accessible to us, we come to expect the same of people…We have fast become a people who are always available, always on call. Young people grow up into their friendships and personal identities in this engrossing fog of social pressures, stresses, and anxieties that had–until this point in human history–mainly been the purview of surgeons, firefighters, and workaholics. (And even then, first responders and doctors were professionally obligated to take time away from their beepers).” Like doctors and first responders, our phones have forced us to always be on call. We constantly feel the need to catch up on emails, texts, social media, and the news of the day. When the internet was first conceived, it was a space you had to intentionally enter by sitting at a desk, firing up a boxy computer, and logging into dial-up internet (as long as someone wasn’t using the home phone). Now, the digital space has entered our world; it’s in our pockets, our living rooms, our kitchen counters, and even our bedrooms, all running on high-speed internet. We no longer need to “do” anything to get connected—we are connected. Smartphones and the internet differ from past technological revolutions because they are specifically designed to attract both our time and attention. Unlike devices like the typewriter, lightbulb, or dishwasher, our devices are more than just tools to help us accomplish tasks. Every day, the brightest minds in the world are tweaking algorithms and designing new apps, all in an effort to capture more of our clicks, scrolls, and likes, which generates more revenue for them. The digital world is not neutral, and it’s certainly not out to make us healthier people. The tech industry is keenly aware of this: they know that we will be formed by the habits we keep, and their goal is to develop habits in us that make us return to them. Many tech executives or former tech executives will restrict their kids from using technology because they understand how the technology works better than anyone! Digital Liturgies Every time we open our phones, we are chemically programming our brains. When we get a notification, our stress response, cortisol, is activated, and whenever we open our phones to answer a message or scroll Instagram, dopamine, our pleasure response, is increased in the brain. This cycle of stress and pleasure is very similar to what gambling addicts describe when using a slot machine, which explains why we constantly check our phones even when we know there isn’t anything there. Technology has also pushed us to be maximally productive, or as Song calls it, “hypertasking.” Since technology allows us to do five things at once, why would we ever waste our time doing nothing? Well, as Song points out, “The irony of it all is that the very technology that promises to help us organize and efficiently deliver in our lives and relationships has merely subjected us to an avalanche of unprioritized demands on our attention and our lives.” Because of these addictive tendencies and the desire to hypertask, we aren’t using our time and attention well—we’re just giving our attention away. These practices are called “digital liturgies.” In the same way that the church has liturgies, such as saying the Lord’s Prayer before a sermon or raising hands during the benediction, our devices build habits into us. When we hear “ding” or feel a vibration, we respond by opening our phones. When we wake up, instead of making our bed and starting the day with peace, we immediately reach for our phones and see what we missed overnight. As Song puts it, “in the same way that Jesus called his disciples to become a people who abide in him as he would abide in them, we too have become a people who abide in the digital, and the digital abides in us.” Counterliturgies At this point, it may sound like the only solution is to take a sledgehammer to your phone and throw your laptop in a dumpster. Not only is that impractical, but it also won’t solve our problem. Instead, we need to counter our digital liturgies with new habits, aka “counterliturgies.” The following exercises are what Song calls “The Freedom Project,” an assignment she gives to her college classes. These are not exhaustive, but they’re great ways to start building healthier practices and take control back from your devices! Stage 1: Digital Media Fast -Go without any form of digital communication for 24 hours. This includes all text messaging, web browsing, social media, smartphone apps (even the weather app!), digital music (both streaming and CDs), streaming platforms like Netflix or YouTube, and video games (including mobile games). You should also abstain from digital news, including sports updates. You are allowed to use email and texts for work/school purposes or emergencies, but try and talk to friends and family before your experiment to limit those. You are allowed to read print media: books, newspapers, magazines. You may watch broadcast TV or go to a movie theater! This is hard to accomplish for 24 hours, so don’t feel pressured to make this a permanent lifestyle, but you can take lessons from it and apply them every day! Before the fast, make plans that will help you stay offline for the day. After the fast, journal what changes/adjustments you had to make, what you did with your day, and how you felt. Stage 2: Stocktaking - This is less about change and more about understanding your current habits and responses in the digital world. Monitoring Digital Usage: Download a time-tracking app, such as Screen Time, Moment, or Rescue Time. Before you begin monitoring, write down how many times you think you pick up your phone and how much time you spend on your phone per day. Track these over 5 days and compare with your guesses. How accurate were you? Did anything surprise you? Going Under the Microscope: Be hyperalert about your digital routines for one 24-hour period. Ask the below questions and reflect on the dynamics and trends you observe. In what situations am I nearly always using my phone? Are there triggers that automatically motivate me to reach for my phone? What is my physical/emotional state right before/after I use my phone? Are there moments when I realize I don’t have my phone? How do I feel then? When do I feel engaged, joyful, effective, & purposeful? Where am I? Who am I with? “Phone Meditation” Exercise: First, sit and become aware of your current feelings, posture, and focus/distraction level. Take out your phone and hold it. What changes do you notice in yourself? Posture, feelings, focus, etc. Next, unlock your phone and open a frequently used app. Spend a few moments scrolling or messaging, then observe yourself again for any shifts. Then turn off your phone and put it out of sight. Sit for an entire minute without doing anything. Take note of any differences again. Write and reflect on this activity as a whole. Motivation Check: Put a “stop sign” on your phone, either on your wallpaper or with a post-it note/rubber band. Ask yourself each time you pick it up: What am I going to do? Why now instead of later? What else could I do right now besides check my phone? Stage 3: Counterliturgy - Try new activities that push back against your digital/secular liturgies! Create a new bedtime/morning routine that doesn’t involve your phone. Maybe start your day by making your bed, exercising, reading/journaling, or enjoying the outdoors. In the evenings, read a book, write a note of gratitude, play music, or enjoy a cup of tea! Make a “sacred zone” around your bed for five days. Create a charging station for your phone/devices that is further away from where you normally set it, either across the room or in another room altogether. If you use your phone as your alarm, buy a physical alarm clock instead! You can use a watch to wake you up while your phone is across/outside the room. Experiment with monotasking. Choose an activity: studying, cooking, chores, gardening, etc., and do that activity without focusing on anything else during that time. Start with a small amount of time (20-30 minutes) and work your way up to monotasking for longer. Protect your sacred times. Block apps, video games, streaming services, and social media during certain times of the day, such as before bed and right after waking up. Observe when you run into these limits, and whether you want to break through them or find something else to do instead. Hopefully, whether through these exercises or others like them, we can all improve our relationship with technology and, more importantly, improve our connection with the world around us and the God who created it all! Technology plays a huge part in our lives, and it’s vital to our mission to spread the truth of Jesus around the world. By having healthy digital habits, we will display a life centered around the peace and love of Jesus to a world engrossed in screens, a world longing for a better way. Relevant Scriptures Psalm 91:1 ...Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High John 15:5. …If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit 1 John 2:15 …Do not love the world or anything in the world. Questions for Discussion What has been your relationship with technology, specifically your smartphone? Which of these counterliturgies do you need to practice the most? How will your improved relationship with technology help you share Jesus with others? Recommended Reading Restless Devices by Felicia Wu Song How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price